CHARACTERS

Paulette – (37) is a graduate of RADA with several notable appearances in major musicals but unfortunately broke her foot and has been forced to retire. She has returned to the wonder of Bumblethorpe and her elderly mother, Agnes, who seems to want to marry her off to every available person in town.

Agnes – (83) is a widow, retired café worker, and is very proud of all her daughters (and there are eight of them altogether) but she worries that her youngest, Paulette, needs to cheer up a bit after losing her career and feels love is just the ticket. Now, if Paulette would be less like her father, Paul—they had run out of girl’s names by that point—and stop flitting around from task to task and just sit down and have a cup of tea.

Miriam – (35) has lived away since getting married to her childhood sweetheart at twenty. She has recently divorced and moved home much to her mother’s irritation. She works at the local soft furnishings firm ‘Squishy’ as a salesperson and admin assistant in their call centre team.

Lanie – (35) grew up with her best friends, Miriam and Neal, and moved to the bright lights to pursue a singing career only to return home a few years later. She still sings in the local pub ‘The Bumble Bar’ and has worked her way up in Squishy to become a partner at the firm.

Diane – (58) is a widow with two teenage sons who are trying to turn her grey. She owns the local hairdressers ‘The Perfect Perm’ and has a reputation for being the quickest trim in town.

George – (55) owns the local takeaway ‘The Greasy Chip’ and is a perennial bachelor. All his siblings have married and are raising families (or dragging them up in his opinion) but he has remained dedicated to providing delicious comfort food.

Tammy  – (36) Tammy went to the local school with Miriam and Lanie but tended to avoid some lessons and be thrown out of others. She graduated to marrying Colin, a plasterer, when they met on a young offenders rehabilitation course. They have three equally as studious children. She is a barmaid (cash in hand) at Bumble’s Bar and is noted as the most reliable source of gossip in town.

Tracy – (38) has been Tammy’s best friend since they met at in ‘the naughty kids’ school’ where they teamed up to tie up a teacher to a chair using only hairbands. She lives with Ricky who is a tyre fitter and they have one son who is hoping to be the first person in the family not to go to court. Tracy works in Bumble’s Bar but no one knows exactly what she’s employed to do as she spends most of her shift reading magazines on the bar.

Ceri – (51) is a single mum with two daughters in junior school. She works several jobs including as a cleaner in the local community hall but her passion is for walking, she walks everywhere, as do her children, and they love to compare the amount of steps they’ve completed.

Janis – (55) has been the caretaker at Bumblethorpe Community Hall since leaving school. She cares for her elderly mum but is famously shy. She’s recently been diagnosed with PCOS which has seen her grow facial hair which has caused her to become more introverted.

Hedges – (40) owns the local landscape and gardening service ‘The Pruned Petal’ and is known for her motto ‘No hedge to tall’ even when she stands at 4’9” herself. She’s married to John, a Tree Surgeon (or when her mother asks, he’s a surgeon just don’t ask him to fix your bunions) and they have twins who are as bouncy and busy as them.

Glynnis – (60) recently retired when her husband, Roger, sold Squishy. She has two ‘pleasingly productive’ daughters who are professionals with the correct pedigree of spouses. Her son, Trevor, she’ll just ignore you mentioned.

Stanley – (49) is the local handyman who is a favourite pin-up of every lady over 70 in town. He is married to Gaynor and loves to dazzle her with his attempts at poetry and daring feats of rescuing cats of Mrs Jones’ roof. He’s hoping that showing her his dancing moves (Gaynor not Mrs Jones) will rekindle their romantic sides.

Gaynor – (44) is married to Stanley and works at The Perfect Perm as a hairdresser. She really hates poetry and cats and wishes Stanley would talk to her about football instead. She is known for her chic mysterious look with dark glasses but she doesn’t like to tell people that she needs to change her ancient spectacles with reactive lenses that change at will.

Andy – (28) is a roofer in his Dad’s company and referred to by the local female population as ‘more tempting than a custard cream.’ A cheery chap, Andy also stars as Ruby the lounge singer in Bumble’s Bar and can hit nearly every note… most of the time…

Mary-Lou (51) is a native Floridian whose British husband decided it was a great idea to buy Squishy and move them from the sunshine to Bumblethorpe. Their children have chosen to remain in university… in the warm… She is famed for her love of yoga pants, her sneakers, and often asks locals why anyone would want to live anywhere so freaking cold.

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