Here’s this week’s episode of Queer Tango, they’re a bit shorter lately as I’m not feeling well but I hope you enjoy!
Queer Tango Episode 42 – Dancing Fit
Paulette sighed as her class groaned their way back from a tea break. They’d cleared enjoyed a lot of unhealthy food and too much of The Bee’s produce. George was that exhausted, he didn’t even manage to climb off the George Mat when he landed on it and just snored. Tammy had eaten a large mound of Snickers by her enlarged bust and Tammy had been staggering around the dance floor more from trying to guide Tracey around than any food or drink. Stan was wobbling on his heels with his extra bulk; Diane was hogging the biscuits; Ceri was asleep on the tea table; Janis was cleaning and fixing the floor as always; Andy was asleep with Little Agnes on him and Gaynor was asleep on Andy’s shoulder with Little Liza on her. Mary-Lou was dancing with Glynnis because Hedges had passed out on the George Mat; Lanie was asleep while standing and Miriam was asleep but keeping an eye open Agnes, her mother, was resetting her kettle but even she shook her head at the class.
‘We’re going to do some fitness,’ Paulette said with a grunt. ‘We’ll start with Pilates and go into some gentle trimming exercises.’
George whimpered and Lanie opened her eyes.
‘I’m doing Pilates,’ Lanie said. ‘I’m doing the deep breathing.’
‘Snoring is not Pilates.’ Paulette put her hands on her hips. ‘We trimmed you up, Tammy. You looked great… You could dance without concussing Tracy with your boobs.’
Tracy rubbed at her chin. ‘It isn’t easy dodging them when she twirls.’
Tammy pursed her lips. I had a Snickers or two… I had healthy food too’
Tracy snorted and flashed her gold tooth. ‘A bottle of wine isn’t going to count as healthy even if it is fruit.’
Tammy huffed. ‘I think it does.’
Andy peeked open one eye. ‘I decided chasers were healthy… you really shouldn’t try out drinking a baby. She was still going on the milk even when I had passed out from the baby biscuits.’
‘Paulette smiled at him. ‘Unlike George who tried to do chasers with Diane and fell asleep on his counter.’
‘I had a lot of eggnogs,’ Mary-Lou held her head and groaned. ‘Hedges didn’t have any eggnogs and she was dancing with Barney.’
Hedges peeked open an eye, groaned and closed her eyes.
‘Get into your Pilates’ positions.’ Paulette clapped her hands. ‘I will get out my Plimsole.’
The class grumbled their way into position and Mary-Lou hoisted Hedges up and held her as she groaned.
‘Breathe in and straighten your back, squeezing in your pelvic floor.’ Paulette lifted her top and showed her stomach to demonstrate. ‘
Tammy grunted. ‘You had a baby. Why are you so trim?’
Paulette pursed her lips. ‘I eat less Snickers.’
Andy nodded. ‘I might pinch a biscuit or two, but Paulette is very dedicated to getting into shape.’ Andy smiled at her then yawned. ‘I just weight lift Agnes… It helps.’
Miriam peeked at Agnes at the kettle. ‘But is that right he lifts your mum?’
Paulette raised her eyebrow. ‘Little Agnes not my mother.’
Agnes chuckled from her tea kettle. ‘I have eaten a few too many biscuits for him to lift!’
‘Pelvic floor,’ Paulette said trying to be patient.
‘I dunno if I have a pelvic floor,’ George muttered and looked at Stan. ‘Did you find your pelvic floor?’
Stan shrugged. ‘I don’t really want to stop peeing when I start.’
Andy looked down at Stan’s heels. ‘Maybe you left your pelvic floor in your other shoes?’
Paulette slapped her plimsole to her leg. ‘Pelvic floor.’
Lanie sucked in a breath then snored through it. Miriam yawned but pulled in her stomach. Mary-Lou pulled her tummy in with a smile then just pushed Hedge’s in for her. Glynnis held her stomach then hiccoughed. Gaynor was still asleep but on Stan’s shoulder and Little Liza did the best breathing in before burping.
‘Diane?’ Paulette glared at her.
Diane shrugged. ‘I’m trying, my stomach doesn’t move very much because it’s full of fried food.’
George nodded. ‘I can lift my shoulders up instead?’
Paulette rolled her eyes. ‘Breath in!’
The class snapped to attention and breathed in.
‘I will take away your tea break.’ Paulette narrowed her eyes. ‘Pelvic floor Tammy, grab your stomach and suck it in.’
Tammy did so then three Snickers bars pooped up from her waist. ‘Um…’
‘Hedges, Barney will make you wear pink lycra to do poetry I will get him to think it’s a great idea…’ Paulette wagged her Plimsole at Hedges who sucked in her stomach enough she fell backward into Gaynor who knocked over Stan. Andy grabbed Little Liza as Gaynor and Stan fell into Tammy who turn and knocked George flat onto his George mat with her bust.
Paulette rolled her eyes and nodded to Agnes who poured the teas. Yes, her class were dancing fit.