I hope you enjoy this week’s episode of Queer Tango as it’s another fur related one!
As always, please excuse the typos.
Paulette sat in her usual position in the Squishy Garden Centre to survey her class but whereas she used to be perched on left over building supplies, now she was on a very smooth moving swing seat with Little Liza one side and Little Agnes the other. She’d have liked to have said that her class were as smooth but, even though they performed shows—which critics had acclaimed as the funniest comedy dance show in the county—Diane still couldn’t start off on the right foot.
‘I’m sorry,’ Diane said wiggling her waistband with her thumbs and clomping from one foot to the other—her resetting move. ‘I can’t get this section right.’
George smiled at her as he rubbed his knee guards. ‘I don’t get any of them right.’
‘I saw you get two steps right just now,’ Tracy said, chomping on a Snickers and waving it around. ‘Two… and in a row.’
‘You did,’ Tammy said watching the Snickers. ‘You even managed not to fall over.’
Tracy chomped more Snickers and chewed, open-mouthed, as she grinned at Tammy. ‘You said I could have it. Do you want it back?’
Tammy shrugged. ‘No…’ She hugged herself. ‘You didn’t get chance to eat dinner. You need to have more skin on you anyway.’
Tracy pecked her on the cheek. ‘I’ll buy you a two pack.’
Paulette eased the seat back and forth. ‘How about you try dancing?’
Andy tutted from over by the biscuit table. ‘They are discussing dancing, that is better than they usually manage after tea break.’
Paulette peered at him down her nose. ‘You ever danced with a Snickers?’
‘No, but Tracy and Tammy do the Snickers’ dance,’ Andy said and tootled over to perch on the seat. ‘So it qualifies as dance talk.’
Little Agnes crawled across the seat to him and put her hands up.
‘See, I have agreement from the other member of our household.’ Andy poked out his tongue at Paulette then fussed over Agnes.
Hedges was dragged through the centre by Billington who was carrying something pink in his mouth. ‘Sorry…’ she managed before being dragged into the furniture section.
Diane stepped off on the wrong foot, kicked George in the shin and he yelped and hopped around.
‘I thought hopping was a Hedges’ move,’ Paulette said in her dry tone.
Andy tutted again and tapped her on the knee. ‘They’re trying.’
‘Try again,’ Stan grunted like he was on exercise. ‘We can crack this.’
Gaynor took her glasses off, handed them to Tracy took a run up.
‘Wrong foot again,’ Diane muttered and drew it back.
Gaynor tripped over it and rugby tackled Stan to the floor.
Hedges was dragged back into the room. ‘We had some issues on the way…’ She was dragged out towards the potted plant section.
Paulette met Andy’s eyes. ‘You should be dancing too.’
He pursed his lips at her. ‘You’re so swoon-worthy when you’re in a mood.’
‘Dance, Ruby,’ she shot at him and he scurried over to Mary-Lou who leaned against the wall as Glynnis waved her hands around.
‘You should really sue the pants off him,’ Mary-Lou said.
‘Trousers!’ Hedges yelled from the potted plant section.
‘I can’t sue my own father.’ Glynnis sighed then fussed with her hair. ‘I know he shouldn’t be driving at his age but the traffic light colours aren’t very bright.’
‘I’d still sue his pants off,’ Mary-Lou said with a curt nod. ‘I’ve sued mine.’
‘Trousers!’ Hedges yelled as she was dragged back into the furniture section.
‘You sued your own father?’ Andy put his hands over his mouth. ‘And why are you possibly suing yours, Saucy?’
‘My dad didn’t get me the present I wanted when I was a kid,’ Mary-Lou said her crop top flawless because she hadn’t done a lot of dancing. ‘So I sued him enough to get that car I wanted.’
‘I wasn’t going to sue my father,’ Glynnis said staring at Mary-Lou in amazement. ‘Do you still talk?’
‘Sure,’ Mary-Lou said with a smile. ‘He just learned to buy me what I wanted.’
‘Sorry,’ Diane winced as George yelped and gripped his stomach as Tracy finished off her Snickers and handed the wrapper to Tammy.
‘Are you going to sue him and why?’ Andy leaned in, brow furrowed, arms folded but hands pressed against his biceps.
‘He drove into me,’ Glynnis said then shrugged. ‘He was fiddling with his glasses and didn’t realise he was still moving.’
Hedges was dragged across the room then out into the carpark.
Lanie and Miriam, who were concentrating on their dancing paused as Lanie eyed the door Hedges’ had been dragged out of.
‘Was he carrying lycra?’ Lanie asked, blinking as if she wasn’t sure.
‘Dunno,’ Miriam said as she let out a long yawn. ‘He was carrying some kind of plastic earlier.’
Janis who was also concentrating on dancing with Ceri—waltzing was not their strong point—stopped and scrunched up her eyes. ‘He could be. It was definitely pink.’
Paulette turned to Little Liza who was wiggling and laughing at her parents trying to pull themselves off the floor—Diane had tripped them up again.
‘Maybe I should just have you and Little Agnes do a routine,’ Paulette said and leaned back into her seat.
Agnes, her mother, peered over from the kettle. ‘I don’t think they are permitted to dance at their age,’ she said then smiled at Little Agnes as she wiggled like Little Liza. ‘But they would have a lot of rhythm.’
Unlike George who had flown into the George mat.
‘I think it was orange,’ Ceri said squinting as Hedges got dragged across the room again. ‘Is it orange?’
‘Pink,’ Hedges said as she was dragged into the furniture section again.
‘I say sue the guy and use the money to buy him a chauffer,’ Mary-Lou said then headed over to the kettle.
‘I say dance!’ Paulette thwacked her plimsole to the seat and Little Liza and Little Agnes whacked their versions–they loved to get involved.
Andy grabbed Glynnis and moved her into hold. ‘Come on, Saucy, or Plimsole will sue my pants off.’
‘Underwear!’ Hedges yelled from inside the store.
‘I don’t need to sue you to get them.’ Paulette lifted up her plimsole then paused as the class whistled at her and her mother peered at her. ‘I meant it as a threat that I’d beat them off him.’
Mary-Lou smirked. ‘I say stick him in pink lycra.’
The class whistled again and Andy bowed.
Hedges was dragged over to the plant section. ‘He’d look nice in pink.’
‘We can manage this section.’ Gaynor tried to run at Stan again—it was meant to be a jive and he was supposed to catch her because she’d tried catching him and he was not light.
‘You have a Snickers to calm down,’ Tracy told Tammy as she hugged the empty wrapper. ‘I said I’ll buy you two packs.’
‘I love you enough that I can take it,’ Tammy said and pocketed the wrapper. ‘And the two packs.’
Tracy snorted, still holding Gaynor’s glasses, as she missed Stan and ran full pelt into George and tackled him into the mat; Diane lost her balance and headbutted Stan in the fake boobs then rebounded and knocked over Lanie and Miriam who fell into Janis and Ceri who caught them.
Hedges was dragged back into the room and Paulette got up, held up a single finger and glared at Billington.
‘Sit,’ she yelled, thwacking her plimsole to her thigh.
Little Agnes and Little Liza did the same.
George, who was scrambling to his feet, sat.
Billington sat, lay down, rolled over and placed his paws over his eyes.
Paulette eyed him as Hedges extracted her hand from the lead and flopped onto her bottom, panting.
‘Why are you dragging Hedges around?’ Paulette wagged her plimsole at him.
He spat out the pink lycra.
‘It’s from Barry. He saw him lurking around the showroom… Barry got into his car but Billington wasn’t convinced he’d left.’ Hedges blew out a breath. ‘He is a good boy… he is.’ She smiled up at Paulette.
‘He took the pants off the guy,’ Mary-Lou said with a snort.
Paulette wagged her plimsole echoed by Little Liza and Little Agnes. ‘This is a dance class, Billington. Can you dance?’
Billington shot to his feet, up onto his back paws and placed his hands on hers like he was in hold. He even managed to start on the right paw.
‘Maybe I should just teach you?’ She asked as he followed her around doing a passable waltz.
‘He’s so cute,’ Andy cooed as the class actually started dancing.
Paulette shook her head, waltzing with Billington as Little Liza, Agnes and big Agnes clapped. Clearly to get her class motivated, she just needed a set of dancing paws.